The Mighty Quest for Skinnyhood

Four kids… five and a half years…109 pounds.

These are my stats. The last SHOCKING number is not what I weigh… unfortunately. Its the total amount I’ve gained while pregnant with each of my beautiful blessings from above. That number wouldn’t at all be horrible if I lost all the weight with each one, but I didn’t. The first two pregnancies I was able to lose all of it but 5 pounds. The next two… well that’s a whole different story.

I always say that the third baby ruins your body. This is why. While pregnant with sweet baby Mason (who just turned 3 about a week ago) my stomach went from looking like a map of the farmlands of Indiana to looking like a map of Manhattan, I got spider veins, started finding an occasional gray, and the weight I gained simply refused to come off. It wasn’t until he was about 8 months old… probably more like a year… that I was able to start losing some of the weight. I got down to about 5 pounds heavier then I was when I got pregnant with him! Whoop! Still not all off but I was happy with that! Then by some curse from the underground I started gaining…. and gaining….. and GAINING. I gained about 20 lbs in just shy of a year. WTH?!?!?!?!?!! Whyyyyyyy. To add insult to injury, I got pregnant with baby #4 after packing on these pounds. And then welcomed 27 more pounds into my life. I’ve now lost all of her baby weight… but I am still over where I want to be.

Since I delivered baby Eden I have been on an (occasionally) intense mission to lose it all! I want to go back down to where I was before I started having babies. I want to be that swimsuit model that my husband can show off. (Not the two piece models… one pieces…. remember… my stomach still looks like a map of Manhattan and I wouldn’t wish seeing that on my worst enemy!)  I started to do Zumba, eating right, walking, (attempting) running, Jillian Michaels, even the latest Pinterest trend: The 3 day diet. And yet with all of that I’m still not much below where I have been (although with that 3 day diet I did drop about 4-5 lbs).

I have to admit… I’ve been feeling extremely defeated. Will I ever be able to make it where I want to? Am I ever gonna jump off this gigantic flippin’ plateau that I’m on? And then I got to thinking. What is my motivation? Am I only wanting to get fit so I can boast of my fantastic bod despite giving birth to four babies? Do I just want to lose this weight so that I can be the envy of new mothers every where?? The answer is: Sadly, yes. I was in it for selfish and vain reasons only. Where I should have been health and wellness motivated, I was motivated out of a desire to be noticed for my accomplishments. And whats worse is that I was failing miserably at it!

Given my recent realization, I am standing at a cross roads. Of course I will continue to workout, eat healthy, etc. But I can either do it because a) I know that it’ll get me skinny, might force me to buy a new wardrobe, and will prove to everyone that it doesn’t matter how many kids I’ve had… I’m still hot or b) I know that taking care of my body, eating healthy, and exercising is just one way of treating my body like it is the temple that God designed it to be and by doing so I will be a better mother to my children. It really seems like the answer is obvious, but I am flawed and therefore torn. Don’t forget… I want to be the trophy wife, and those feelings don’t just go away over night.

So I’m going to go ahead and do something that I very very rarely do. I’m going to ask for help. I need help in the way of prayer. Will you all join me in prayer that the heart behind my quest for health would be pure? That my motives would be for God’s glory? And that it positively impact my children’s lives?

I want to be the best mom I can, so I need to be as healthy as I can.

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